Hmmmm, Whoops!

I was just thinking about this tonight..... When I started working for American Eagle, my husband and I looked over all the insurance and decided for the first time ever to go with the 2nd to most expensive premium one.  I've always gone with the most expensive insurance due to snowboarding, having a baby, snowboarding and having another baby.  I began the process of applying to become a surrogate around the time I picked out my insurance.  I guess I wasn't thinking that the agency might let me use my own insurance.  I know the IPs (Intended Parents, if I haven't said that before) end up paying for the medical costs... but I feel awful that it's not the best insurance I could've bought.

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I need to learn to let go of the some of the guilt I feel....

Like, weaning my daughter.  Ellie has to be completely weaned in order to do the transfer.  She's ALMOST here and fortunately I go away for 4 days before the transfer, so we will not nurse when I get back! I know she'll be just as happy when she's weaned, and it will make bedtime easier for Adam, but I still feel a little guilty.

Like I said, I feel bad I didn't choose the most expensive insurance.  My insurance is good, don't get me wrong, but I'm sure it would've cost the IPs less if I had gone with the other choice.

I get a 6-week paid maternity leave after I have the little sweetie.  I know I don't need that time away from work, but my employer allows it for surrogates, so I'm going to take it! I just feel a little bad... that should be time to spend with the baby but since I don't need that, I feel a little bad.

It's expensive for the IPs, I feel awful about that.  I would be happy to do it for ANYONE, with no cost.  I understand fertility treatment is not cheap, I guess surrogacy isn't either.  I feel bad about that. I'm trying to remind myself this will set my kids up for college!  I need to remember that.
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I tend to put those thoughts on the back burner though, because there is a beautiful husband and wife that are HOPEFULLY about to have a baby because of me, and really that's more important than how I'm feeling.

This week I have a conference call with my lawyer (wow I have a lawyer!), to discuss the steps that happen next.  The IPs lawyer is drafting up a contract and then it will be sent to my lawyer so we can review it and sign it!  I am pretty interested to see what it entails.  I know there's specifics like exactly what happens to the baby the second she's born, and when I would be allowed to visit her!  I love that all of that is in there, because if I were Michelle or Matt I wouldn't want a shadow of doubt that that baby belongs with them! I think it's neat!  I dreamt last night that Michelle put in the contract that I had to wear a special headband during the delivery.  Hahaha! That would never happen, but it was a funny thought!

Tis all for tonight.

WOW, THE SUPPORT!!!!

Since posting a link to this blog last night, I have now 700 views! Before last night I had like 15.  Probably mostly all my own views!  The support and love you all have expressed means the world to me!  I have been so excited about this for so long and it feels so wonderful to have so many people say such wonderful things!  I want to clear up a few things here....

-I did not share this info so that people would think I was a good person or anything, nor was I boasting about what I am doing. I understand this would be a hard thing for most people to do, but for me it's a no-brainer.  I would do it in a heartbeat for anyone that needed it!
-I am just a GESTATIONAL surrogate, meaning I will carry someone else's embryo(s) and the baby will in no way be genetically related to me.  The other kind of surrogate is a traditional surrogate, where it would be my egg used.

This has been on my heart for YEARS and I am so excited to share it with everyone.  I look forward to answering questions, sharing progress and offering support if anyone reading this ever decides to become a surrogate!  I just ask that if you can't support me, ignore me.  I will not tolerate idiots, simply put.

Thank you all so very much for your support!!! You really have no idea what a wonderful feeling it is to do this for someone, but also to have the love and support from so many wonderful friends!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

Julie

A LOT to update!!!

***PERSONAL DISCLAIMER, I did not tell the IPs that I have a blog, so I will change their names until they give me the OK***

Someone asked me today if I had a blog and I said yes, but that it was private.  She rolled her eyes at me so that was my cue to get back on this thing and start recording more memories!! (Thank you Anneke, this one's for you!)

I knew there was a couple that was interested in me, but my medical records had to be cleared by their doctor first before I would ever even know who they were.  The agency told me that their doctor is pretty conservative so if he didn't think I was a good candidate, they would find me another couple!

SO, on August 12th I got an e-mail right as I was putting Ellie to bed.  The e-mail was called "IP Michelle and Matt - IP Profiles" I started crying the second I saw that e-mail title!  I had been POTENTIALLY PAIRED with a couple!!!!  I loved what I read in their profiles, and the picture they had in their profile was absolutely adorable!  I showed their profile to Adam and we both were very excited to move forward!  Within the next few days, I had a Skype call set up with the agency and Michelle.  We chatted for a bit and she told me her story and what lead her to finding a surrogate.  I was so sad to hear what she has gone through.  The lady from the agency (Nicole) said she would recap with both Michelle and I the next day to hear our thoughts and see if we would like to proceed. I didn't need a moment to think about it, I was ready! I stayed on Skype after Michelle signed off and instant messaged Nicole for a little bit and told her I was so excited and felt VERY comfortable with her!

I got an e-mail the next day saying Michelle & Matt would like to proceed!!!! It was the best news ever!!! I remember thinking, OH MY GOSH this is really happening!!! I can't even express how happy I was and how EXTREMELY happy I was for the IPs. 

The next step was to go to California and have an exam and some blood work done!!! Michelle picked me up from LAX and we got to spend quite a bit of time together on the way to the clinic! We also got to have lunch together and she took me to THE Venice Beach! It was wonderful! We really both felt the same connection and are so excited to go down this road together!!!

Her doctor just moved from UCLA to a clinic in Thousand Oaks.  I really liked how he spoke mostly to Michelle... because IT IS HER (and Matt's!) baby and really he is her doctor.  We went over my medical history again and then I had an ultrasound of my uterus.  He measured it and checked the ovaries and such.  He said my reproductive organs are "textbook" which I think made Michelle very happy to hear!  He said as long as my blood work comes back normal, I was an EXCELLENT candidate for the Embryo Transfer!  

A few days later we got word my blood work was perfectly normal and that it was time to start the legal work!  We have a transfer date set for October 30th! The fertility clinic put me on birth control pills at the end of August and I will stay on those until close to the transfer date, then I take all sorts of hormones and what not.  I really don't know much about that because I was confused as all get-out when the nurse was explaining what I need to do.  I am grateful they will have a calendar for me that says what pill(s) to take on what day(s).  I would be so confused otherwise!

Adam and I will be in California for 4 days at the end of October for the transfer!  We are very excited!!! There are a million things I think about everyday, but I tell you, their little baby (who in my head is a girl) is going to be SO loved.  I cannot wait for the day she comes and I get to see Michelle & Matt's face!  I can't wait to see Michelle hold her and fall in love instantly! 

Here are current prayer requests (it's a lot, sorry)

-I am a little nervous for the transfer because they are going to give me valium to relax.  I hope I don't react bad to it.  

-I want this baby to stick and for them to be parents ASAP, so please pray this little baby sticks and is HEALTHY!

-Grey understands I am helping my friend Michelle have a baby, but please continue to pray he does not feel attachment like a sibling.

-I am a little annoyed with stupid comments people say when they learn I am going to be a surrogate. My heart and mind is someplace where theirs clearly will never be... and they just don't get it.  For me, the most exciting day will be when she's born and goes right into Michelle & Matt's arms.  Pray that I have the right words to nicely tell those dummies to buzz off.  :)

-That my children will behave while we're gone... and that Ellie sleeps ok!

-Pray for Michelle & Matt's hearts as they go through this.  They've already been through so much, I can't even imagine how hard it's been.  Pray that I will be a loving example of Christ as I carry their child.  

Thank you, and check back often!!!!!!!

LOVE JULIE

Psych evaluation

Yesterday Adam and I had an hour long psychological and clinical evaluation with a psychologist via Skype. She asked some very good questions that left me thinking about things I hadn't thought about much. Mostly like what kind of involvement do I want after the child is born. Really it comes down to whatever the intended parents want! 

Today I had lunch with a lady I had met on our community fbook page. I had asked if anyone was a surrogate and would be willing to speak with me. She answered a few questions I had and really it was just great to hear her story! She gave me some advice as far as dealing with unsupportive people. 'Im very thankful for her taking the time to meet with me and share her experiences! She is a second time surrogate right now. 

Now I wait... Till I hear from the agency and till they tell me the next step in this process! 

Things are moving along...

I've received a few e-mails after the Skype interview and things seem to be moving along nice and quick. I am thankful for technology in that I can scan/email forms back right away, making it very easy for the agency to acquire the necessary forms without waiting for snail mail. I love the pace this is going.

Tomorrow Adam and I have a psychological and clinical evaluation with a psychologist via Skype. I'm looking forward to it! I believe she's meeting with us to make sure we're ready for this and we're doing it for the right reason! Looking forward to it!

We already had our background checks done and I believe they've already received all of my medical records. 

I told a dear friend the exciting news and she wonderfully offered to watch the kids for Adam and I when I have to go to California! I wasn't expecting that at all and was blown away with her kindness. Thank you Anneke!!! 

I have told some friends what I plan on doing and most everyone is very excited. There are some that don't get it, don't understand my desire to do it, or just plain think it's crazy. I am dealing with it great. I'm very excited to do this and I know I have a lot of support from many people! :)

My first post. Laying it all out....

I am currently nursing my almost 20 month old to bed. I'm thinking of how very blessed I am to have her in my arms... To have this little sweetheart  in my arms... The daughter of the man I love more than anything in this world... It's an amazing gift. We are truly blessed. 

Then my mind shifts to those less fortunate. Those who long so badly to have their own baby, those who have suffered through fertility treatments, miscarriages, disappointment. For whatever reason, they want to have a baby that is biologically theirs. 

I think back to my pregnancy with Grey and really how easy it all was from start to finish. I remember the second I thought my water broke and telling my husband, "I either wet my pants or my water broke!" Got to the hospital and he was here 5 hours later. It was amazing. I wanted him so bad. He was exactly what I prayed for. His sister came a year and a half later and it was just as amazing. I wanted her so badly.  She arrived 4 hours after labor started. Another little peanut but absolutely perfect! 

When I was pregnant with Grey I knew someday I would be a surrogate mom for someone. I began to pray for the little baby(ies) I would one day carry. And now here I am... Beginning a life changing event not just for me but for the intended parents as well. 

I applied online to a surrogacy agency that I felt had the special sincere touch I was looking for. Some of the other agencies I researched seemed cold and sterile. Not what I had in mind. 

Shortly after I filled out the initial application I received a phone call from the agency. We discussed my health, background and my desire to be a surrogate. At one point in the conversation she said "you're telling me everything I want to hear", meaning I sound like a good candidate!

Two days later my husband and I had a Skype call with the two co-owners and the in taker i first spoke with. They asked many questions and answered all my questions. That night we made a little bio video and sent it off. During that call I found out they already gave my profile to a couple. The agency said they were really excited and couldn't wait to share my profile. They did that before they all had even seen us! 

So here I am.... Beginning the journey. I would appreciate prayers if you're a person who prays: 

-pray for the intended parents 

-pray for the baby to be viable 

-pray for me and my family

-pray for those who don't support me and may hurt me without realizing it

Follow along and keep me in your thoughts! 

Peace and Love,

Julie