Hmmmm, Whoops!

I was just thinking about this tonight..... When I started working for American Eagle, my husband and I looked over all the insurance and decided for the first time ever to go with the 2nd to most expensive premium one.  I've always gone with the most expensive insurance due to snowboarding, having a baby, snowboarding and having another baby.  I began the process of applying to become a surrogate around the time I picked out my insurance.  I guess I wasn't thinking that the agency might let me use my own insurance.  I know the IPs (Intended Parents, if I haven't said that before) end up paying for the medical costs... but I feel awful that it's not the best insurance I could've bought.

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I need to learn to let go of the some of the guilt I feel....

Like, weaning my daughter.  Ellie has to be completely weaned in order to do the transfer.  She's ALMOST here and fortunately I go away for 4 days before the transfer, so we will not nurse when I get back! I know she'll be just as happy when she's weaned, and it will make bedtime easier for Adam, but I still feel a little guilty.

Like I said, I feel bad I didn't choose the most expensive insurance.  My insurance is good, don't get me wrong, but I'm sure it would've cost the IPs less if I had gone with the other choice.

I get a 6-week paid maternity leave after I have the little sweetie.  I know I don't need that time away from work, but my employer allows it for surrogates, so I'm going to take it! I just feel a little bad... that should be time to spend with the baby but since I don't need that, I feel a little bad.

It's expensive for the IPs, I feel awful about that.  I would be happy to do it for ANYONE, with no cost.  I understand fertility treatment is not cheap, I guess surrogacy isn't either.  I feel bad about that. I'm trying to remind myself this will set my kids up for college!  I need to remember that.
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I tend to put those thoughts on the back burner though, because there is a beautiful husband and wife that are HOPEFULLY about to have a baby because of me, and really that's more important than how I'm feeling.

This week I have a conference call with my lawyer (wow I have a lawyer!), to discuss the steps that happen next.  The IPs lawyer is drafting up a contract and then it will be sent to my lawyer so we can review it and sign it!  I am pretty interested to see what it entails.  I know there's specifics like exactly what happens to the baby the second she's born, and when I would be allowed to visit her!  I love that all of that is in there, because if I were Michelle or Matt I wouldn't want a shadow of doubt that that baby belongs with them! I think it's neat!  I dreamt last night that Michelle put in the contract that I had to wear a special headband during the delivery.  Hahaha! That would never happen, but it was a funny thought!

Tis all for tonight.